Define Your Life's Priorities Rooted in Wisdom
Break Free from Surface-Level Thrills and Embrace the Deep Satisfaction of Real Joy
I never thought I'd have to talk someone out of doing threesomes and double couples with the woman he professes to love and cherish. And then spend the next morning talking with him trying to understand why he feels it so thrilling and amazing to share videos online of him and his woman having sex together "authentically."
I usually plan out in advance what I'm going to write. But this is important enough that I've got to interject this post even though it's cutting the line. Indeed, those two conversations on consecutive days were so unexpected that I was in some ways disoriented for a few days after.
After ending a 19-year marriage in part on grounds that his now-ex-wife wasn't sexually adventurous enough to meet his needs, he has now committed to the woman who had been his mistress. It is with her that he seriously forwarded the idea of threesomes and double couples, and with her that they made videos of themselves and posted them in various places online.
The question I had to ask was "Why?"
He told me is is because he decided happiness had to be his #1 value. For too long, he said, he had suffered and not enjoyed life. But now, placing happiness first, his life has been transformed and he is the best husband (?) and father he's ever been for his sons.
He was explicit that his primary driver in life is now happiness. To paraphrase him: happiness is the highest ideal, the pursuit of which has transformed his life for the better.
Is this really what life is about? Is life really about the unending pursuit of happiness?
The man is not a believer, so his only frames of reference are those the world tells him this are sensible and right. In a time when the culture foisted upon us prizes "authenticity" and elevates subjective experience as truth, emotions rule the day. If emotions rule the day, then there is no logical opposition to choosing the emotion of happiness as the highest ideal and the goal towards which one should live.
But for those who know physical reality is not all there is, that our spirits are eternal, and we will each spend eternity either with the one who created and saved us or without him, living life with happiness as the ideal and pinnacle is foolish.
Just recently, the University of Oklahoma's women's softball team won its third straight national championship, capping a season that saw them go an incredible 61-1, including an NCAA Division I record 53-game win streak. At a press conference, an ESPN reporter asked players from the team how they keep the joy of the game as the pressure to win keeps mounting.
Immediately, team captain Grace Lyons pointed to her faith. “The only way that you can have a joy that doesn’t fade away is from the Lord,” Lyons said, “and any other type of joy is actually happiness that comes from circumstances and outcomes. Joy from the Lord is really the only thing that can keep you motivated, just in a good mindset no matter the outcomes. Thankfully we’ve had a lot of success this year, but if it was the other way around, joy from the Lord is the only thing that can keep you embracing those memories, moments, friendships and all of that, so that’s really the only answer to that because there’s no other way softball can bring you that because of how much failure comes in it and just how much of a roller coaster the game can be.”
Her two other teammates at the press conference panel concurred and reinforced the same message.
Happiness and joy are not the same thing, as these young women clearly understand. Happiness is an emotion we feel in the moment based on temporary, even fleeting, circumstances. Joy is deep satisfaction and hope that endures, independent of the ups and downs of life. Joy is anchored in the knowledge that we are part of a grand story far greater than ourselves, that everything we do and experience matters, that someone is in control and has promised he works all things for the good of those who love him.
More years of life doesn't automatically grant wisdom. The young women from the Oklahoma Sooners softball team are far wiser than the man whom I unexpectedly had to counsel.
He leads teams to award-winning levels of performance. His income is currently at a level one coaching client years ago initially told me "isn't possible" - and I am currently helping him to double it this year. He drives nice cars, and the woman he is with is an attractive lady. He told me long ago his motto is “win with flair”, and that’s what he does. Yet he has walked a path leading him to do and consider things that threaten what he says he holds dear.
He is, by the world’s standards, successful. He is happy at the moment. But is that enough?
We can all learn from the wisdom granted to infielder Alyssa Brito who said on national television the following:
“We’re really fixing our eyes on Christ. You can’t find a fulfillment in an outcome, whether it’s good or bad. I think that’s why we’re so steady in what we do and our love for each other and our love for the game, because we know this game is giving us the opportunity to glorify God, and I just think once we figured that out and that was our purpose and everyone was all in with that, it’s really changed so much for us.
Once I turned to Jesus and I realized how He had changed my outlook on life, not just softball, but understanding how much I have to live for, and that’s living to exemplify the kingdom. I think that brings so much freedom, and I’m sure everyone’s story is similar.
I think that’s what brings me so much joy, no matter the outcome. Whether we get a trophy in the end or not, this isn’t our home, and I think that’s what’s amazing about it is we have so much more. We have an eternity of joy with our Father, and I’m so excited about that. Yes, I live in the moment, but I know this isn’t my home and no matter what, my sisters in Christ will be there with me in the end when we’re with our King.”
Amen. And may we all live with this wisdom and truth in mind.